Tonight on my way home that's just what I did! Fell apart while driving down the express way with the images of M & T flashing before my eyes. As I turn down the last road home I hear Josh Wilson's song Fall Apart every word reminded me of why Greg and I where called to this adoption journey...It makes no sense why we would adopt not financially,or otherwise. People say you already have three kids! I want to give whats at the end of me ,coming with empty hands, God has provided and I have to see that to keep moving forward.
I came home and read an amazing blog of another family going through the adoption journey who have also hit bumps along the way and how God comforted them in return comforted me. Often I put on the happy face to not "scare" some one away from the idea of adopting. I have given myself far to much credit and have to remember God is in control not me. that is why I am sharing the broken pieces of my heart with you. I have for 10 months loved these boys, I received monthly photos of them and had them in an album on my computer, I would at night let the album roll across my screen and study their face's I watched them grow over that time. I would pause the picture and as any mother would I traced their eyes, nose and ears. studied face expressions. I turn on the computer and they are the screen saver. I imagined what it would be like the day I got to hugs them kiss them smell them.Tell them how much I love them .I have mourned the adoption by another family like a death in mine. .
They have not passed onto Heaven but into a family, just not mine as I prayed they would.
Greg and I faithfully placed them back on the waiting list knowing He would protect them, and He did
right into a family once again just not ours. Did I do something wrong, is the thought that scrolls through my mind. I know my Father better than that my Faith replies. I was blessed to foster the boys while their forever family prepared for them. that is how I see it and as the Song ends I find You when I fall apart. I know this is the beginning not the end, I pray for healing and the tears to stop. I want to feel like myself again and to do that I must give it to my Father.
Lots of prayers appreciated for the strenghth of the next leg of the Journey.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Broken Hearts rejoicing
I write tonight with a broken heart rejoicing, I received a call from the adoption agency today. We faithfully placed our "prospective" children back on a waiting list after not having our paperwork completed, to be possible adopted by another family and we rejoice knowing another family has chosen to adopt these very precious boys. I wish I could convey how sad my heart is and how weary my body is but I am afraid words could never explain it. I also wish I could explain how my heart is rejoicing for the family who will be forever blessed by T & M. I know how Greg and I are changed.
I am thankful for this journey and pray that our Trust in the Lord takes over the brokenness of my heart to make it whole again. I know he has plans for us as Jeremiah 29:11 repeats over and over in my head.
Please pray for direction for our family as we decide how to proceed with the Lord's plan for adoption. Please pray for our broken hearts and pray a special prayer that our boys will transition into the family God picked for them.
Thanks Friends.
I am thankful for this journey and pray that our Trust in the Lord takes over the brokenness of my heart to make it whole again. I know he has plans for us as Jeremiah 29:11 repeats over and over in my head.
Please pray for direction for our family as we decide how to proceed with the Lord's plan for adoption. Please pray for our broken hearts and pray a special prayer that our boys will transition into the family God picked for them.
Thanks Friends.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
For a Season
For a Season..... I hear this over and over. After returning back to work to help my family financially I question why? I know the immediate reasons, Hubby's work is very slow and we have had an income decrease, we are raising money for an adoption and need every penny available. I get these the immediate reasons however it is the long term I question. I have prayed over recent months about what it looks like in God's eyes to live in the world but not be of the world... Well He picked me up an put me right in the world, the trucking world! WOW! After submerging myself in my safe "Christian Bubble" I need to be a light in the world. After all isn't that what we are called to do? Spread the Gospel? I felt safe in my bubble! After all I knew worldly ways and worked so hard to turn from my selfish ways at all cost. Including relationships, family, work. I thought I would be a stay at home Mom forever... not for a season!
I think about seasons of weather over the last year, we had a very long hot summer, then a very long cold winter, the kids will be out of school in two weeks and I had to dress them in hoodies and jeans today! Who truly can predict how long a season will be? One thing I do know is that each of them do come to an end and start at the beginning of another. With a new season brings the excitement of comforting things like winter....sledding, sweaters,and snowman's. Springs...green leaves, gardens and grasshoppers.
I have a sense of anticipation to see this season in full bloom. Praying for the adoption to grow into reality. Praying to raise money this season, Praying to watch our adopted children bloom in our home this season. Just the same as I can not predict how many inches of snow we will receive or how many apples will bloom on my apple tree, I can not predict how this season will end, but I know the One who does. The One who promises fruit in this season. It may not be the fruit I planted but His is much sweeter than mine.
I pray that I will be a light in a dark world during this season, planting seeds and helping another to grow.
We have not had any updates on the boys since Feb. since they are back on the waiting list we are not privy to there medical updates or pictures. Breaks my heart and I often pray for some one to see their sweet faces and fall deeply in love with them as we did. I only want God's will for their lives. We are still waiting for the home study to be approved so that we can apply for grants to raise enough money to get them off the waiting list ( Lord Willing).
Waiting..... For a Season!
I think about seasons of weather over the last year, we had a very long hot summer, then a very long cold winter, the kids will be out of school in two weeks and I had to dress them in hoodies and jeans today! Who truly can predict how long a season will be? One thing I do know is that each of them do come to an end and start at the beginning of another. With a new season brings the excitement of comforting things like winter....sledding, sweaters,and snowman's. Springs...green leaves, gardens and grasshoppers.
I have a sense of anticipation to see this season in full bloom. Praying for the adoption to grow into reality. Praying to raise money this season, Praying to watch our adopted children bloom in our home this season. Just the same as I can not predict how many inches of snow we will receive or how many apples will bloom on my apple tree, I can not predict how this season will end, but I know the One who does. The One who promises fruit in this season. It may not be the fruit I planted but His is much sweeter than mine.
I pray that I will be a light in a dark world during this season, planting seeds and helping another to grow.
We have not had any updates on the boys since Feb. since they are back on the waiting list we are not privy to there medical updates or pictures. Breaks my heart and I often pray for some one to see their sweet faces and fall deeply in love with them as we did. I only want God's will for their lives. We are still waiting for the home study to be approved so that we can apply for grants to raise enough money to get them off the waiting list ( Lord Willing).
Waiting..... For a Season!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Time to blog!
We have been on this adoption journey for 7 months, I have many times thought I should start a blog but then followed that thought with " One more thing to do!" I often feel like I need to get things out and not keep them to myself sooo here I am typing!
Greg and I met on September 13, 2008....We married December 31,2008!
A whirl wind romance (hehe) I came into the marriage with 3 kids and He took the on like a champ! We discussed several time about growing our family and began praying about what what God's will would be. After many long nights discussing we decided to put it on hold until we heard from God. I silently continued praying about adoption. Mothers day 2010 Greg announced to our family we would be adopting from Africa! Unannounced to me! It was an answer to my prayers. Our next step followed late that summer when we began to attend a Adoption Support ministry at our Church. We thought we would go and support those who were already in the processes and see what God had planned for us. WOW that is where this Journey truly spun my life into believing in a Radical Faith and that God was calling us to adopt. How? Where would the money come from? Would our families support us? Can we do this? I am still waiting on most of those answers.
We came across a waiting list for children in Ethiopia and 2 little boys (siblings) stole our hearts! Now 4 and 8 they wait in Ethiopia for a family to love them. We went through the process to begin paperwork to adopt these sweet brothers. We started this process in October 2010, Praying, Fundraising, Paper chasing! Everything was moving so fast. Until it came to our Home Study! Everything came to a screeching halt. This part has taken 4 months to complete and unfortunately we were asked to place the boys back on the waiting list or pay childcare fees due to the fact our paperwork had missed the agency deadline. It felt like some one came in and punched me in the stomach! Wait you want me give up my kids?!?!?! These are our boys, My sons! What was I to do! I fell on my knees to pray! Sent urgent pray request for wisdom. We have many unsaved eyes watching our adoption and want others to see God work in our life, we had to turn to that reckless faith that God would protect the boys on a waiting list, If it is His will then they will be in our home in His timing. I can not tell you in words how hard that decision was and remains to be. I no longer receive pictures or updates on the boys but pray for them daily! God brought a women to a bible study I was attending and she repeated this phrase several times..."Trust me I want to show myself Strong" I am holding onto those words,We may never meet the boys but I am trusting God for their lives. We may only ever get to pray for them to have a family of their own.
We have hope because God has provided! He has always been on time. We have raised nearly $10,000 of the $45,000 needed to adopt. We still have the opportunity to adopt the boys providing we raise enough money to send off our Dossier when we receive our approved home study. We must send $19,150 to remove the kids from the waiting list. Almost time for Yard sale, and our next Hair Raising Event!
You can help by sharing our Blog we will post upcoming fundraisers and links to our coffee website!
Greg and I met on September 13, 2008....We married December 31,2008!
A whirl wind romance (hehe) I came into the marriage with 3 kids and He took the on like a champ! We discussed several time about growing our family and began praying about what what God's will would be. After many long nights discussing we decided to put it on hold until we heard from God. I silently continued praying about adoption. Mothers day 2010 Greg announced to our family we would be adopting from Africa! Unannounced to me! It was an answer to my prayers. Our next step followed late that summer when we began to attend a Adoption Support ministry at our Church. We thought we would go and support those who were already in the processes and see what God had planned for us. WOW that is where this Journey truly spun my life into believing in a Radical Faith and that God was calling us to adopt. How? Where would the money come from? Would our families support us? Can we do this? I am still waiting on most of those answers.
We came across a waiting list for children in Ethiopia and 2 little boys (siblings) stole our hearts! Now 4 and 8 they wait in Ethiopia for a family to love them. We went through the process to begin paperwork to adopt these sweet brothers. We started this process in October 2010, Praying, Fundraising, Paper chasing! Everything was moving so fast. Until it came to our Home Study! Everything came to a screeching halt. This part has taken 4 months to complete and unfortunately we were asked to place the boys back on the waiting list or pay childcare fees due to the fact our paperwork had missed the agency deadline. It felt like some one came in and punched me in the stomach! Wait you want me give up my kids?!?!?! These are our boys, My sons! What was I to do! I fell on my knees to pray! Sent urgent pray request for wisdom. We have many unsaved eyes watching our adoption and want others to see God work in our life, we had to turn to that reckless faith that God would protect the boys on a waiting list, If it is His will then they will be in our home in His timing. I can not tell you in words how hard that decision was and remains to be. I no longer receive pictures or updates on the boys but pray for them daily! God brought a women to a bible study I was attending and she repeated this phrase several times..."Trust me I want to show myself Strong" I am holding onto those words,We may never meet the boys but I am trusting God for their lives. We may only ever get to pray for them to have a family of their own.
We have hope because God has provided! He has always been on time. We have raised nearly $10,000 of the $45,000 needed to adopt. We still have the opportunity to adopt the boys providing we raise enough money to send off our Dossier when we receive our approved home study. We must send $19,150 to remove the kids from the waiting list. Almost time for Yard sale, and our next Hair Raising Event!
You can help by sharing our Blog we will post upcoming fundraisers and links to our coffee website!
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